If you don’t already know, William is the informal mascot for the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
From Wikipedia: “William is the nickname of a faience hippopotamus from the Middle Kingdom of Egypt in the collection of the Metropolitan Museum of Art who serves as an informal mascot of the museum. Found in a shaft associated with the Upper Egypt tomb chapel of “The Steward, Senbi” in what is now Meir, Egypt, William dates from c. 1961 – 1878 B.C. during the reigns of Senusret I and Senusret II.”
By nature I’m not a collector, per se. I married a collector, though, and we spent our lives together refining those skills. Truth is he had the eyes, but I had a knack, too, and it came to be that together we’d scour the globe looking for neat things to save and very often to sell. He taught me to have an eye, too, which takes practice. But I got to learn attention to details in the areas of antiquity that interested me. I turned that into a productive business for us.
Like everyone does, with William it was for me, too, love at first sight. That happened around 1978.
It was obvious William is special.
So, even though I didn’t start collecting everything William I did find a nice silver pin and a little statue of him. That was the extent of the collection. As love goes, I could recognize William across a crowded room. I could eye him in a heap of junk. I could recognize him anywhere. He could not fool me! There was no hiding for William.
Then one day I took a pill my doctor gave me, and that changed my life. We know all about that, don’t we? Sixteen days without sleep, a broken mind and a hippocampus that could not handle the overwhelm that came through the opening of those portals to Lucifer.
In the days, weeks, months, and years that followed I forgot William.
I forgot about a lot of things that was my life before. I don’t remember a number of things that happened during the days of overwhelm after the Ambien. (Its that which the doctor and the doctor’s psychiatrist father along with his cronies are able to capitalize on against us for “legally” slandering us.)
Sometimes I call it my amnesia period. I’m sure readers know this.
More appropriately it would be fair to call it the walking dead period that I really and truly did not believe I was going to survive. But we know this already, too.
What I haven’t shared (or even remembered yet), as it comes up, I’ll continue to do share here.
Also, outside of this blog we know I’m writing the story aside from and in additional to what is being told here. William won’t come up in my book. For the book William doesn’t matter. Even so, the affair with William was a casualty, and about that today I am remembering through a William imposter just how far gone my mind was taken by those drugs and the trauma that ensued.
I’ll try to not become emotional, and will even consider this tale about William a bit of a test. If I don’t cry that will be good. To cry would be right, but if I cried over every memory that comes back I’d spend the next 30 years doing so. I don’t want to do that, and really I just want the memories. Because my memories are of the happy life I’d created, and those are all I have. I’m okay with that, and I thank God I’ve got them. I know many people have never had good memories to keep them going or to give them strength.
This tale of William is another example of how neglected I was during that period when one would think family, especially a husband and friend of 35 years, would rally to my side. But, we know they did not. That is all I’ll say for now on that disappointment. Maybe its all I’ll say about it from now and forever. I hope.
The thing about William is that my (now ex) husband knew of our affair, and he even supported it. Because he was collector kook who enjoyed the hunt, I had to stop him from bringing home to me a lot of replicas of William. Having a nice silver pin and a little statue was enough for me. I’m not a collector kook. I don’t obsess.
Because of my ex’s failure to respond to my needs during the Ambien episode and those days that followed, and because I was so distraught from his neglect, I threw him out. For a short time period afterward he tried to make his way back into my graces to come home. For that purpose, he brought to me a gift that up until more recently I have thought was William.
The funny thing about a lot of what happened post Ambien and post Problem Man is that the time frame of some of my memories are jumbled. This isn’t true about all of them, just some of them.
For example, the topic of Obama came up last night through a sharing by a Secret Service dude his own memoirs. Listening to his reminiscing I was reminded that I’d actually written Obama at the White House, asking for help. As I listened to the Secret Service dude complaining about all the things Obama did spying on people, I could only think, “Good. They probably deserved it.”
As a side note, what was interesting is that the Secret Service dude said Obama wasn’t using government employees to spy, though, but contractors. And now that totally makes sense in relationship to myself and my own journey. Sadly, in my own situation the F.A.A. Human Resources bitches were spreading my stuff all over the place. They should have been fired.
At first last night I was thinking I’d written Obama before Problem Man, which would have made that contact with the White House sometime in 2007. But Obama wasn’t President then, so I had to dig deeper to remember. Why bother, right? Well, I do bother because my team said the reason memories like these are coming back is because the hippocampus is no longer being overwhelmed, so that now it can get those memories and I along with them in order. Therefore it and I are working together on it. So it is normal for me to continue processing it all as it comes up. (Especially helpful is that I am doing it without the triggering from Problem Man having fun with his wickedly pushing me around his game board. Triggering is from being overwhelmed so no processing can happen from that.
But back to last night when the terribleness of Obama was being spoken about, that memory of reaching out to Obama surfaced in a way that I was able to ponder more for processing. I still cannot recall when it was I did that. Maybe 2009, maybe 2010? I just don’t know. Maybe as I am writing the book the memory will fall into chronological order.
What I do remember is a nice person called me from the White House. I was kind of afraid, but he expected that and he told me not to be. He said they aren’t going to hurt me, and after listening and asking questions (of which I don’t even recall what he or I said, other than that we talked for a while) he told me that he will do whatever he can to help. Then the whole event spilled from my overwhelmed brain. That is how it goes, and that is why I call that terrible time the amnesia period.
There are many examples of things that come up I don’t remember. Even when Problem Man mentioned last year the “wedding” ring episode from 2005 until then I had forgotten all about that. The mention of that caused me to have to process it. I did pretty well, especially because being reminded of that last year, when I was being reminded, was kind of shocking for me. The memories are shocking. What is even more shocking is that the doctor knew what he was doing, and he was doing it on purpose, and so was his father and that network, too. They are rotten to the core.
Its really creepy to have portions of my life missing, then being brought up by psychopath strangers putting their own spins without knowing or telling what is true. Frankly, it would not hurt my feelings to have more memories brought up from their side of the fence. Because I rather like refuting them. I suppose that should go without saying, huh? Anyway you’d think a “psycho analyst” would figure things out. Especially one who got as close to me as Problem Man did. Alas, ones like Problem Man lack empathy and from that everything gets distorted. I used to care. Not caring is helping a lot.
I only discovered the reprieve this past week of not caring, and I’m not speaking about not caring for Problem Man, because I never did. I only cared about what he was doing and saying, same as I only cared about what Dr. Sargent was doing and saying, too, that no matter what I tried they would not stop. And I cared that they had sold themselves, no wait, they were actually paid to be people who were supposed to know how to help. Helping was everything Problem Man told me he could do. He is deluded.
Last night listening to the Secret Service dude, I could have cared less that Obama’s people were listening in on everyone. Now, more than ever, after listening last night I am seeing the other side of things in ways that makes me happy. I hope all those bad guys get caught.
But, about William and the lost love he now represents, let me show you just how far my mind was gone, okay? So Don, (my now ex), brought me this gift. When I received it, to my recollection I exclaimed, “William!”
Certainly he must have noticed, but he didn’t say anything.
It didn’t occur to me until years later, what Don had given me wasn’t William. This is the gift he gave that at the time, with my scrambled brain, I thought was William.
It doesn’t mean I’d lost my mind. What it means is that I was scrambled. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with my memories. It just shows how overwhelmed they had gotten me, and they know it. They do it on purpose.
I saw it in the deposition of the doctor’s father’s and of his cronies’ with regards to the woman stuck at Western State. I saw it with what they were saying about me. I heard it when Becky spoke of Rick. And I read it from Misty’s father’s telling about what the doctors had told him about her. Now you know.
What is “projecting”?
According to the internet the type of projecting discussed here is psychological projection; a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually intolerant may constantly accuse other people of being intolerant. It incorporates blame shifting.
Predator personalities are scam artists who can quickly pick out a potential mark in the crowd. I am making note of this because I was set up with faker guru chic by someone who alluded to being privy to what “covert” was being done to me that has included Problem Man. Its probable someone like faker guru chic AND Problem Man are part of something vile deeper. But, guess what? I’m not into or part of that. And, really, I doubt there is anything deeper but that they are vile, and that’s now pretty much on the surface.
Bullies, narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and sociopaths like easy targets, though, and it doesn’t matter your I.Q. I am pretty sure recognizing them takes having had the experience, although I believe my own experience has been much worse than many others, yet less than some.
The stigma and scars these troubled, voice, “upwardly” mobile predators can leave is rough. When Problem Man bragged to me on this blog comment that he must have really gotten into my head, he wasn’t saying that because he didn’t know it or that it surprised him. He was saying it to laud it over me. Predators very well know what they are doing. They get off on it. Faker guru chic knew, and I’m pretty sure she knew from the moment I was triggering on her blog last year that I was “the one.” I’d seen her going off, being a bitch to some seemingly nice people, but I thought at the time it was her own triggering. There were red flags that told me something was fake, or staged, but I hadn’t been well enough yet to identify those things more than I was identifying with her being traumatized. As I began realizing something was not quite right, I put myself out there by telling her she is still traumatized. I was not believing my own instincts and still believing her schtick. I really was. Then she went off on me. On her part, that was totally premeditated, predatory behavior. And although I doubt she could have predicted exactly when she would go off on me, it was in the works so she was just awaiting the right opportunity.
The idea had already been planted into my mind by Problem Man, and Dr. Sargent Jr. and his family, before that, of a greater purpose was played on earlier by faker guru chic in her telling everyone she was involved in exposing a pedophile ring. To that, now more than ever, I know they are full of it. Its a predator’s gig to claim that type of insider “doing something of great importance” for why they are throwing us under the bus.
Problem Man brought up in his Ethics class in 2007 about how doctors and attorneys have much higher ethical standards than we lowly peasants do. That was the bait. And if I was to believe that, then it meant my doctor had thrown me under the bus for something more important, for the greater cause that someday they would tell me, but not yet…..and that is the bait, the hook, the catch for their suckers.
Understanding those things about predators doesn’t change the fact that what one can do once they are in our heads can be so damaging that some people, not even ones like me who’d been being given Ambien then Ativan, can commit suicide over it. Committing suicide while being mind raped isn’t the same as the predators pretend it is. Which what they pretend is that someone has committed suicide over the loss of them or the loss of their love. I don’t believe for one single minute that is true. Because, I know for a fact I did not ever love that doctor, and for sure I never loved Problem Man. How could I? I knew what love was. I’d spent 35 years knowing it. There is no way that will ever be replaced, and it doesn’t matter to me at all that my ex has moved on to remarry. I will never, and that is because I was not looking for love, just as I told Problem Man when he was coming on hot and heavy. How he crawled into my head is irrelevant to love. In fact its the opposite of it because what he does it so hateful. Same with what the doctor and his family did. It was hateful.
What he did, as all predators do, was to spot his target (me), then convince me he was able to fix my problem. At the time, as we all know, from the Ambien and the doctor’s PsyOp, I had MANY problems. Therefore, believing this intelligent, charismatic man could help was not difficult.
If the type of psychological projecting these predators are doing is not a Federal offense, most certainly whatever projecting I might do is not.
But, to be honest, I know myself well enough to know I don’t hardly project. No, I’m not passive / aggressive. No, I don’t see in others the things I hate in myself. I know I hear about those things by people who actually do hate themselves, but I really do see the best in others. I really do like myself. I am a self corrector, and I’m introspective.
However, what I’ve learned from this experience is that although empathy is a good quality, seeing the best in others just might be my own type of projecting, and its not been good for me.
Learning to put myself first no matter what I see in another is what is coming to pass. Somebody told me I need to harden my heart, and to a certain degree he was right, and I have, and I am glad.
Projecting the way a predator does should be a Federal offense. But projecting the way that I do, the world would be a better place if everyone projected what I do. That truth can be seen in everything I wrote, said and did towards the doctor and towards Problem Man while they were attacking me. And they were. There is no doubt about it, and I’ve got binders and binders of proof setting right here beside me.
There have been times during this ordeal when I would get anxiety that I’d be proven wrong about myself.
That has yet to happen, not even through faker guru chic, who has been just one more form of toxic second hand smoke from the predator crowd.
I know my team has said it will take a long time for me to recover, but I don’t think it will.
Despite what predators want to believe about me (I’m not talking about my team but about the group that has been determined to undermine me), I am resilient, and now that I’ve gotten those freaks of nature back into perspective I will do fine.
My advice to anyone would be to interview any mental health specialist you choose to entangle yourself with. If their primary focus is to dump poison into your head, move on.
Some of the sickest people have psychiatric and psycho analytical credentials, and they will F you up faster than anyone else.
Here is a helpful article that just might save you before you get sucked in by a manipulator. Something interesting to me is the comments on this article. To me, having experienced very horribly predatory behavior, its my thoughts the ones commenting are offended at what they are reading about themselves. They appear to be in denial, which is not uncommon.
HOW TO SPOT A PREDATOR *TRIGGER WARNING*
In the interview Dr Ramani spoke about retraining the narcissist, then referred to the rubber band effect. She goes into good detail about that for a narcissist growth does not withstand day to day life and disappointments. That really interested me, not because I am a narcissist but because the psych drugs and emotional trauma developed in me some narcissistic characteristics.
Regarding her interest in narcissism, in general, she said for her its more of a curiosity, and I most certainly can understand that. In her field she said she’s seen so many victims of narcissism that she could not help but wonder about the personalities that can do so much harm to another and then walk away like its no big deal. I’m not quoting her, I’m just generalizing her statements as I understand them to be.
Something pitifully interesting is how narcissists learned fast over the internet how to monetize their victim’s curiosity about them. So although it doesn’t appear Dr. Rabini is a victim, from a victim’s point of view, to have narcissists capitalizing on our curiosity of them is of great concern. Because how they can manipulate their victims, too, through the internet is real and can be seen not only in what Problem Man has done with me but also by how, more recently, the phony self proclaimed spiritual healing guru cult creator chic tried to use me too for obtaining more monetizing clicks through her medias.
Even more, because of a natural human curiosity by a narcissist’s victim, that the narcissist can take that to turn it into the appearance of a victim’s stalking is dangerous and outrageous.
The ways Problem Man has twisted and turned things, and how there are a number of people who will quickly come to his defense is also terrifying. Watching the judges in the cases against me, and also seeing the types of people who have come to my Facebook not to commiserate but to play along with the predators is troubling too.
Especially this is true when these narcissistic types of people negotiate their ways “up the ladder”, so to speak, into circles of more powerful and influential people to manipulate them to do their bidding, as well. And how easily people are willing to participate with one who has leadership qualities, is dangerous.
More and more we are realizing the impact in our lives of cults led by narcissists. Being able to watch through youtube and then through Facebook how the phony self proclaimed spiritual healing guru chic developed her own following should be something all therapists dealing with narcissists would want to see. One of my first objections to the phony was from that she was conveying and glamorizing the mafia to her weak minded, impressionable followers. Because of my experiences with mafia, when I saw her saying that last year I had to object to make it known there is NOTHING glamorous about any mafia. What became clear, when she began attacking me, is how she “taught” her followers that my having disagreed with her was me “gaslighting” her. That was just one of the many lies she told.
Disagreeing with someone is not the same as gaslighting them. In the attached video interview Dr. Ramani begins speaking to the overuse and over generalizations, and although she’s not speaking specifically to gaslighting, she is, imho, alluding to how so called, self proclaimed knowledgeable ones are sharing inaccurate information as truth.
To me a good example of that is phony chic’s assertion disagreeing with her is gaslighting or an attempt to manipulate her. She is a predator playing the role of the victim. She doesn’t really care what I have to say, or who I am, nor what is my purpose. She does not care about being authentic or transparent, the way she claims to be. She only cares that I am disagreeing with her and her ego cannot handle that. So she created a scenario that is not true.
Either way, disagreeing with someone is not gaslighting. Calling them out on their own b.s. is not gaslighting. Nor is calling them out an their own attempt to manipulate. All in all, for me that whole negative experience with her was good. And anymore, in my world, it is ALL about me. My bleeding heart has been thrown right out the window.
To be clear, I know what is gaslighting. I do not believe most people do. Not even the so called educated ones do. Even when Problem Man’s former business partner told me he was gaslighting me what we were talking about, he wasn’t. He couldn’t. Once he was in my head, he did, though, and he did big time. Either way, at the time she’d told me that term I’d never heard of it before so I appreciated being given that knowledge.
Yes, I know the difference now, and if you’d like me to share from my experience what gaslighting “looks like” you can comment on this blog, and I will comment. For now, describing gaslighting hasn’t been my purpose. Its sufficient to say that I know what it is, and I was not gaslighting faker phony chic self proclaimed spiritual healing guru cult leader.
But I’m not going to direct anyone to anything about her because she’s using people. I do not like dishonest users.
From them all I get a visual of all these narcissists landing together on some remote island. Probably not anywhere cool like Bora Bora or Tahiti. More than likely it is or will be some cheesy never heard of island where they will be on the sands stroking one another’s egos while comparing stories on how they manipulated people to pay for their natural suntans. None of them will hear the other one anymore than Problem Man could hear what his “partner” was saying (and visa versa) on their ridiculous blogtalk radio programs.
What struck me, personally, about what Dr. Ramani described as the rubber band effect is I believe that now I am vulnerable to that. So as I listen to what she has to say, I’m looking at it realizing a lot about Problem Man and my medical doctor’s mentality, but more I am hearing about my own issues having been targeted and traumatized by them over this long period of time and how that has affected my overall mental health.
Perusing the internet there is nothing about the rubber band or elastic band effect in relationship to the way Dr. Ramani is using it to describe emotional reversing or digressing. That is disappointing, because I’d like to know more about it. Not that I want to be experimented on in this regard, but it does seem to me that in my Peter Piper pumpkin shell environment I am being protected in a way that stress is being minimized while I recover. I would like to put myself to the test to see if I can manage day to day stresses the way I once used to. But to be honest I don’t believe I could handle that type of stress. I believe I would revert and handling what I do in my little world now is pretty much about all I can do. Of course I can’t say that for sure, but it seems fair to think I would revert and that this condition is something I will not ever recover from. It is a part of emotional trauma that probably remains with us. If my contributions are any, I’d like to believe I’m helping people understand what emotional trauma looks like through someone who’s survived a mafia hit, and I have.
That said, I believe I will put myself to a little stress test in a small way. I want to challenge myself in a confrontational situation. By confrontational I don’t mean an angry confrontation, or a violent one. I am simply referring to putting myself under some honest stress that should bring about natural growth, to see how I handle it. Its not going to be something I’ve dreamed up, but something real that came up a couple of weeks ago that does need addressed. When I realized it a few days ago I started mental exercises on how to approach the dilemma, as it was/is. I’ve stopped that, and am going to “drop the bomb”, be disagreeable, and I’ll see how it goes. If it goes well, it will be a step in the direction of (oh I do despise using this word) authenticity.
Looking at that last sentence, more than that, if all goes well it will not be the discovery of authenticity, but a return to it.
I’ve said before, historically I’ve been trained to go face to face. In fact, in 2016 when I blew out my knee at work and the executive was convoluting and denying my right to work idle, I went to her office to go face to face. What she did when she saw me coming was leave to hide in the cafeteria. I could hear her being spoken to that clearly told me she was in hiding, but I wasn’t going to hunt her down. Had she come out, like an adult, to speak with me its hard to say how that would have gone. Because, obviously, she was purposefully creating a lying narrative and doing that, brushing off and getting rid of injured workers, was part of her job.
Now while I look back at what (or more likely who all) has driven me to this condition, it convinces me more this wasn’t my fault. These affirmations are good, and they are not like the affirmations Dr. Ramani discusses narcissists are running to social media to obtain. I have a healthy, good mind enough to know the types of affirmations I seek are not out of a need to stroke my ego. The affirmations I need, and am getting, are to recover from the damage that was done to my confidence by a bunch of inconsiderate and corrupted a-holes. And, because Duckduckgo shared on Facebook that it takes 1 1/2 months after leaving Facebook to return to a whole active life, for me it drives home what I’ve coined years ago that is Facebook Therapy. Ingeniously, to save my life, in late 2009 I went to social media crying out for help, and it was the best decision I could have made. If you know anything at all about psychological manipulation, and the taking down of someone, a key to doing that is to isolating us by systematically removing all of our emotional support. In fact, in my book I will describe even more how that was done. Most people are going to be shocked. But, about giving up Facebook? I have a handful of dear friends there that I would miss seeing their faces, so I’m not sure about leaving that despite that the narcissists and anti social are gathering there. I was there before them, I read the articles to expect their arrival, I saw when Problem Man got on there, and I’ve seen how he and others like him have used it, and that part has not been pretty.
That aside, the fault of where I am today lies right in the hands of people whose jobs are to take advantage of us by throwing us under the bus when things go wrong.
That is what the doctor did to me. His privilege as the money maker was to not have to deal with his errors or whatever he might perceive as interrupting a cash flow. So, with that in mind, its even more obvious he was getting some kind of benefit, or kick back, for the drugs he’d been pumping into me (and God knows into how many others.) Because if that wasn’t true he’d have done the right thing from the beginning when I went to his office around Feb. 18 2005 to tell him something was seriously wrong with me. Instead he ignored me, and sent me out. He would have done that again on Feb 24, 2005 if my mother had not shown up at his office while I was there. Can you imagine? I was 16 days without sleep, and was a MESS, and he would have ignored it and sent me out. None of these people want to hear the problems. They just want the money.
Now, too, I think about what Dr. Ramani said of the narcissist’s learning by their parents to be uncaring that way, and how they cannot change because those characteristics were developed during their formative years.
With Problem Man its clear in a lot of ways he is suffering. He asked me if I had that pain inside of my chest all of the time the way that he does, and was surprised when I said no. Not wanting to get too much into his head, or to think of him much as a human with a heart, I will say I don’t think he’s been lying as much as that he’s delusional. There’s a difference.
The thing about seeing him as a human with feelings is that although he might have some, he cannot constructively control them. I get that because the psych drugs caused me to act that way for a while. For me its lucky I guess that it was just the psych drugs and not my real self. What a horrible way it has to be, and what a terrible experience it has been for me.
But that aside, Problem Man’s situation makes what Dr. Ramani said about the irregular esteem issues even more obvious when it comes to Problem Man. About the doctor, I don’t think he has those issues. That could be due to his father’s having been a psychiatrist, so although he was raised a narcissist, he was one raised with a self esteem system that left him infallibly unwavering. I call it someone’s having too much self esteem.
That isn’t the situation with Problem Man, and it sounds kind of like his mother is a deranged lunatic in a different way than has been the doctor’s psychiatrist old man. Both parents, nonetheless, appear lethal.
Its all been interesting, that is for sure, but the horribly devastating impact they have had on my life has been hell.
How I’ve been helped by God to keep it together enough to survive is nothing short of a miracle.
I’d like to know more about that rubber band or elastic effect, but maybe there is no more to it than what Dr. Ramani described, which means that a narcissist will digress. But that doesn’t necessarily mean even though I’d exhibited characteristics of narcissism, while I was being drugged and going through hell, I will.
Its something I will investigate just as a matter of coarse.
I’d LOVE to have returned to my family, and even to myself, the financial losses. I imagine financial recovery is right and will happen, but that is just a dream. Articles I’m reading about say they will never let financial recovery happen. They are too selfish and too greedy, and they refuse to see themselves as the cause of the problem. I mean, just look in my medical records and at how many (untruthful) reasons the doctor wrote as why for my condition, with just one of those being right. Then, to cover up, he buried that one with his b.s. Then Problem Man has perpetuated his own bogus diagnosis to the half wits that my problem has been my childhood, when it has not. My childhood had NOTHING to do with what went down with him. NOTHING. And, if anything, my childhood is what made me strong enough to withstand what he’s done to me. My childhood has been my strength and believing anything otherwise is his own projecting, just the same as that lying doctor was projecting. They do that to create a false narrative. No, I have not had any serious problems left from my childhood. And for the record, I’ve got a number of psychiatric reports now, from this past 15 years of hell, saying exactly totally opposite and contradicting what the two self proclaimed geniuses Dr. Sargent and Problem Man have been spouting about me.
Yet these narcissists will never admit nor accept any responsibility, and how far a narcissist or a group of narcissists will go to remain in denial is exactly why they have done to me the many horrible things that they have.
Even worse, what they have done to me they do to a lot of people/patients/clients, because its their business model.
Click click click click Here is another video interview with Dr. Rabani, and coincidentally she mentions all of the “throwing under the bus” that is going on and the importance of exposing for taking the wheel from the hands of these kooks like Dr. Sargent and his old man and the lunatic Problem Man.
Now that we know the problem a psycho’s their wiring, and that there doesn’t seem to be a “cure”, for all of the research available on the internet ABOUT them, so far I’ve found NOTHING on how to stop or de-escalate one or a group of them. On top of that, more and more fields and industries have become dominated by them. Whether this is through naivete or planning may not matter, although I have seen idealists who really do not understand the dynamic and so they believe a psychopath can be helped to stop committing atrocities. Some idealists don’t even realize they are dealing with a psychopath, while others do seem to be as aware as I am. But does it really matter?
Last nights blog “Wading Through Crazy”, featuring Dr. Romani, has been the most concise descriptions I’ve found, thus far. Having this knowledge doesn’t help, though, because we are being barraged by those personalities disorders. Reading the comments in these videos is as interesting as the videos, themselves. In fact, if you read the perspective of the ones with the disorders its clear they do not associate with their “victims” Its all about them. The impact these types of people have had on my life is such that, for self preservation, I’ve had to change parts of myself. Trust is a huge issue, and I’ve hardened my heart towards many characteristics in others when I spot them.
Even so, and although I do live in what I call Peter Piper’s pumpkin shell, this cannot prevent the infiltration of a determined psychopath to disrupt my life again. And, when it comes to a psychopath, or a group of them, determination is a first name. I am not stupid. When people tell us who they are, we need to believe them. Here in my library I’ve got binders and binders of official documents of Dr. Sargent, Diane Cecchittini and Problem Man’s telling me exactly who they are. Now that I am off the drugs, and receiving proper care because of what the drugs and the psychos have done, I can deal with it. But, dealing with it doesn’t change the fact that this is a determined Problem Man who navigates with and around psycho cults just like his own.
How many times do I need to read and be told from himself and from professionals that when trying to change the bad behavior of someone (or some group) their behavior will become worse before it improves, to not see the truth of what I’ve been put up against? Living with that reality, mastering it without living in anxiety, takes great strength. Having strength is probably what caused Lulu and the Washington State investigator to observe that with me Problem Man seems to have met his match, has bitten off more than he can handle. Because of how he is wired Problem Man sees this as a challenge. He cannot see that I am trying to survive FROM him. He can only see that I’m trying to survive to SPITE him. I conclude this by how he does continue covertly approaching me, hoping to antagonize me, excited to get a reaction, and I conclude this by the words he has written that I know are from him. He needs to win, even though its himself he is at war with and not me. He has infiltrated my life, and will continue to infiltrate it when he has free time to do so. His behavior will continue escalating, if he cannot get himself under control, and I don’t know what that looks like. Therefore I cannot prepare for it.
Even more, on the internet there is nothing on how to de-escalate these people. There is talk about years of therapy, and we know Problem Man has had years of that. M said he told her he’s been in therapy most of his life, of which she told me clearly it is not working. It is hard to believe he’s in therapy, unless its court ordered or as some type of private or publicly funded research project. But, to make matters worse (for us), on top of everything else, he’s aligned with a woman who complements his style of behavior with her own bad behavior. According to Dr. Ramani, it seems these two should explode on one another. Outside observers have thought with these two, its inevitable. What that looks like when it happens remains to be seen. The best I can hope for is that in their War of the Roses type of destructive dissolution they lose track of me, and they start exposing and telling on one another about the crimes and injuries they have committed against people. For their organization and his work to become known for the fraud it is would be a great gift to the world.
Its my opinion one of the most vital pieces of advice came telling people its true there are some who when we look at them its like we’re looking into a mirror but nobody is looking back at us. That, which Dr. Ramani has said, in her interview is how it looked when Problem Man did the bad thing then put his face up to mine to see what he saw in my eyes. But what I saw in his was void. What he says he saw in my eyes was that I enjoyed the violence he had just done to me. He is wrong. What he saw in my eyes was the void in him that stared back at me. Its recalling those truths that really drives home what the interview with Dr. Ramani at 15:54 into this video,
, what is said about narcissism, which is one of the number of Problem Man’s issues.
Dr. Ramani brings up Elsa Ronningstam’s research on a Corrective Emotional Experience which eludes to the possibility of re-teaching narcissistic behavior. However, the truth needs to be told, which is that “victims” should NEVER have it suggested they can change a narcissist. Especially that is because its the hope to be the one who changes them one will play, and play, and play, and play. About one, I suppose throughout life, they do change. We all change. But, from all I’ve been reading and watching on the topic, the type of change a dissatisfied narcissist does is not natural maturing the way “we” do. What “they” do, is get worse. And that has to do with their intelligence, and that they know they are not connecting the way they wish they could, therefore life becomes more and more frustrating for them, causing them to become more and more wicked in order to feel something, anything, and that which is not good. Its sad, but a “victim” or “target” has to face the reality that with them its do or die trying. When one has set their sights on a “victim” or “target”, you can be assured the one they plan to die IS YOU.
To make matters worse, sadly, so far, there is nothing on the internet that tells a “victim” or a “target” how to stop one or a group of them. Living with this reality and not living in anxiety every day from it, and living with knowing their tentacles remain pulling strings, such as those with what happened with that phony spiritual guru chic last week, can be the challenge. To see someone like that keeps a dossier, while pretending its to protect themselves when in fact its to use for nefarious purposes of narcissistic self promotion is fine. By “fine”, I mean that I don’t care what they do. Except, that the negative they do gets passed on, then passed on, then passed on and used against innocent people into oblivion.
The ONLY thing we can do is to develop thick skin against it, and to take control of our own therapy. Psych drugs are a compound problem, and when I listen to these interviews with Dr. Ramani what I understand is how each of those drugs (never mind the Ambien episode) created characteristics in me of personality disorders. So, even though I’ve had to learn about mental illness and personality disorders the way I have by observing for years the sick, troubled (primarily) men who have been attacking me, by having an interest in surviving them has helped me to know without a doubt that psych drugs are primarily bullshit. Psych drugs create disorders and illness where probably there was none to begin with. I believe this is the situation with the most of us who have had them wrongly prescribed. Its my opinion, and I know it is a righteous and valid opinion, that psych drugs is a profitable and lazy way to deal with people whose parents have messed them up so badly that they might be past repair. That would be the narcissists and the sociopaths, if I’m understanding correctly all that Dr. Ramani has said. The psychopaths are another matter. As it is, Problem Man told his former business partner he was diagnosed anti social, which Dr. Ramani says IS psychopathy. Problem Man is wired to be wicked. Even at that, psych drugs would not be the fix.
So as it goes, during 2017 a fellow was encouraging my previous blog, and on the side said to the effect that it would be interesting if I prove (the majority) of mental illnesses and personality disorders diagnosis don’t really exist. That gave me a chuckle. Thinking back on his comment I can’t see I’ve done that. What I have done is proven psych drugs are worthless garbage because they open up in people cans of worms that weren’t ever there, to turn those into bigger problems that include (like what they did to me) identity crisis. It seems to me the ones who create this psych drug garbage have a vested interest in it, and are mentally the most sick I’ve ever spoken with throughout this whole ordeal. Its obvious Dr. Sargent Sr. is extremely mental. Its obvious his son, the doctor, is too. Whether that was truly learned or inherited is something I’ll never know. What I do know is that all of them kept up their attack on me, they made it clear they were having a good time of it, and I was not able to stop them no matter what I did. They were ruthless, and so has Problem Man been ruthless. Even more, the behavior doesn’t seem to be stopping, and is only getting worse and more and more like-kind psycho freaks continue to join in the Problem Man’s show.
Judy , i think I’ve met a few people here in the Philippines who talks and who seems to have the same zeal you have. They called themselves “Born Again Christians”. But what makes me get away from them is there desire to change me in the way they want. They seem to me not real or just floating out there or their feet was not firmly rooted in solid ground. But i do not think you are like that. The experience you shared about seeing Jesus seems real to you. However, according Biblical Scholars, no one realy knows the real face of the historical Jesus. What they just know was that he is a Jew and he looks like a Jew. What you see as Jesus’ face is like those pictures that Catholics have conjured so many centuries ago. Just my thoughts.
Judy Lee: Jennifer You observations about born again are true in a lot of Christians, generally. Seems each “religion” wants people to believe what their “religion” has taught them. Its true, I don’t want to change anyone. I try to set an example, not that I am perfect. A lot of Christians do think they are perfect, and pass judgement on people all of the time. About the scholars, there isn’t one who’s able to exactly transcribe what was said during that time because the language of Christ’s was so remote a dialect. Also, if we read the preface to the King James Bible, the dilemma of giving a clear interpretation can become a problem for the ones who are commissioned if only because of their stature in society. In fact, in the scriptures there are some serious non truths. The Romans have never been a trustworthy lot, and that is obvious. Nor have the Hebrew been. About Jesus, I have seen him, and its not just a belief, it is a fact. About God, I have seen him, too, and its not just a belief, its a fact. That said, I never saw a fleshly physical self. I mean, like, they did not come and set down beside me in the form of flesh. They are far better than that. I’m writing right now in my book about what Jesus showed me, and why. Because now I know. You are right that the Romans have conjured pictures, and I suppose those can be similar based upon the shroud. But even if that is true, it would only be what he looked like here through Mary. He can be whomever and whatever he wants for whomever he wishes. He and God have shown me their mysteries. Yet, I’ll leave this comment with that many so called Christians can’t even get their heads around the mystery of Mary’s pregnancy and some have said thinking she was raped. Those people live by the flesh. I wonder, Jennifer, have you known the story Sister Lucia? If you haven’t there are better versions on the internet than this but Wikipedia covers her well enough. As far as “religions” are concerned, I rescinded my baptism in the Episcopalian church, and I’m no longer of a “denomination.” I lean towards Orthodoxy, but still have serious issues with forced domination. I follow no mortal man, and only my Savior.
I’m looking forward to Jennifer’s response and will share as she does.